Updated: Jan 7, 2020
You’ve heard of IQ. You’ve heard of EI or EQ, but have you heard of C-IQ? C-IQ or Conversational Intelligence® is the brainchild of Judith E. Glaser, a renowned executive coach who was deeply connected to leading researchers in the field of neuroscience. She married the best conversation techniques with what neuroscience has been telling us how the brain works, particularly how it processes communication. C-IQ is the ability for us to connect, navigate, and growth with others through positive, powerful, and productive conversations. As a Certified Conversational Intelligence® Coach, I can help you raise your conversational intelligence and as a result, strengthen trust between you and others, deepen relationships, and ultimately impact your influence at work and at home.
As we contemplate making new year’s resolutions, we are actually pondering changing habits that may not have been serving us well this past year. Believe it or not we all have conversational habits! Do you avoid having conversations because of the topic or person you need to talk with? Are you addicted to “being right” in a conversation, so much so, that you lose sight of the topic at hand of the people involved? Do you verbally “vomit” all over others because you become frustrated, angry, or embarrassed during the conversation? If you said yes to any other these habits, or maybe thought of another one that doesn’t serve you well, there is hope! You CAN change these habits!!
As you begin the new year in reflection, reset, or reboot, I’d like you to consider one strategy that can greatly impact how you show up in conversations and what you say which impacts the other person and the outcome.
Think about what stories you tell yourself about others prior to engaging in a conversation. Are your thoughts negative, derogatory, minimizing about the other person? Are you creating assumptions, blurring facts and “your truths”, or are you interpreting and therefore making conclusions about the situation that are less than positive or productive? If you’re human, your answer is likely to be yes to all of those questions, at least some of the time. It does not make you a bad person! We have good intentions, we mean well, our brain moves to these stories sometimes, before we even know it. Consider then how these stories impact your feelings and emotions about the other person and/or the topic. Consider what you end up saying when these stories are running around in your head. If you are telling stories, you’re not likely at your best.
So the strategy I’d like you to consider is to acknowledge the stories you are telling yourself, and how can you tame or reframe these stories. The new year provides an opportunity for us to “work on ourselves” and that’s what I want to encourage you to do regarding your conversational habits. The way you tame your stories is by asking yourself questions such as;
What is the other side of the story, besides mine?
What do I really want out of this situation?
What do I want out of this relationship?
What’s my contribution to the situation?
By asking these types of questions we can Be Conscious about how we are showing up and move from anger, fear, frustration, and disappointment over the stories we are telling ourselves, to a place of connecting, caring, and creating positive outcomes with the other person.
Be a Storytamer not a Storyteller!